Last night I made a list of "Why should I?" and "Why shouldn't I?". Why should I, as woman, embrace every opportunity in life, and why shouldn't I, as a woman, pursue my career?
Here are the lists:
Why should I?
1. To be smart and intelligent and aware of issues so I can use them to later educate my child
2. To experience life to the fullest
3. Financal security
4. To be able to empower people or other women
Why shouldn't I?
1. To focus on raising the kids
2. To avoid much interactions with men (a crazy crazy world, it is)
3. To avoid any society's dictations toward looks and behavior
You see, the list is kind of counteracting here. But then I came to a stance that I should embrace every opportunity I have, until I have kids, or family (if I happen to have a husband telling me not to work outside home). What I know is that even though I won't have a normal 9 to 5 career, I can't just stand still. I have to be an entrepreneur, or freelancer.
And then I go to internet to find more references at quora. I found an interesting TED Talks video with Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook and author of Lean In talking. She did inspire me!
Her most important point for me personally is "Don't leave before you leave". This is her speech transcript on that part:
Message number three: don't leave before you leave. I think there's a really deep irony to the fact that actions women are taking -- and I see this all the time -- with the objective of staying in the workforce actually lead to their eventually leaving. Here's what happens: We're all busy. Everyone's busy. A woman's busy. And she starts thinking about having a child, and from the moment she starts thinking about having a child, she starts thinking about making room for that child. "How am I going to fit this into everything else I'm doing?" And literally from that moment, she doesn't raise her hand anymore, she doesn't look for a promotion, she doesn't take on the new project, she doesn't say, "Me. I want to do that." She starts leaning back. The problem is that -- let's say she got pregnant that day, that day -- nine months of pregnancy, three months of maternity leave, six months to catch your breath -- fast-forward two years, more often -- and as I've seen it -- women start thinking about this way earlier -- when they get engaged, when they get married, when they start thinking about trying to have a child, which can take a long time. One woman came to see me about this, and I kind of looked at her -- she looked a little young. And I said, "So are you and your husband thinking about having a baby?" And she said, "Oh no, I'm not married." She didn't even have a boyfriend. I said, "You're thinking about this just way too early."
But the point is that what happens once you start kind of quietly leaning back? Everyone who's been through this -- and I'm here to tell you, once you have a child at home, your job better be really good to go back, because it's hard to leave that kid at home -- your job needs to be challenging. It needs to be rewarding. You need to feel like you're making a difference. And if two years ago you didn't take a promotion and some guy next to you did, if three years ago you stopped looking for new opportunities, you're going to be bored because you should have kept your foot on the gas pedal. Don't leave before you leave. Stay in. Keep your foot on the gas pedal, until the very day you need to leave to take a break for a child -- and then make your decisions. Don't make decisions too far in advance, particularly ones you're not even conscious you're making.
I was like, 'Wow! This is exactly I'm doing!' I am thinking way too early and starting to consider leaning back. Thank God, I had made enough leaning back mistakes in the past that I'm not going to repeat it again.
So, thank you Sheryl Sandberg, for convincing me. I'm not denying the fact that someday when I have kids I really should focus on them. But now I'm young and yeah! Let's just embrace it!
