Friendship, Passion, and Scherbatsky: Intro

Gue nulis postingan ini di tanggal 31 Desember 2012, hari Senin, yang berarti nanti malem adalah malem tahun baru. Biasanya tiap tahun gue gak pernah secara khusus bikin atau ikut semacam perayaan atau countdown atau something like that. Celebration terakhir gue adalah di 2011 bareng temen-temen SMA di rumahnya @armyalidrus, bakar-bakar ayam dan jagung di halaman rumahnya sambil ketawa-ketiwi seru mengingat waktu itu kita ga lama lagi bakal pisah buat kuliah. Tapi, well, despite new year only means a change of calendar for me, it is still a good time to make a fresh start, dan tentunya momen untuk mengevaluasi diri.

Seperti postingan highlights tahun lalu, gue akan membagi postingan ini ke dalam beberapa bagian. Bahkan tahun ini highlights-nya gue kasih judul seperti di atas: Friendship, Passion, and Scherbatsky. Dan ini baru bagian intro. Yah, lebay memang, tapi highlights of the year setiap tahunnya adalah salah satu tulisan istimewa yang memang gue planning dengan matang. Tujuannya, selain jadi evaluasi untuk diri sendiri, juga untuk inspire orang-orang yang baca (kalo emang ada yang ter-inspire, kalo ga yasuds).

Di intro ini, gue cuma akan cerita tentang outlook dari apa yang udah gue lewati sepanjang tahun. 2012 adalah salah satu tahun berat bagi gue. Tapi, you know, di balik semua-muanya yang susah, sulit, sedih, dan memberatkan pasti lebih banyak kesenangan, because life is a whole balance thing, right? Nah, di 2012 ini, despite every challenges and problems, I somehow discover friendship and finally be able to pursue my passion. So that's what makes the title: friendship and passion. But what about Scherbatsky?

Pretty Canadian

Ga banyak yang tahu kalo gue punya semacam tema untuk resolusi 2012 gue dulu. Temanya adalah: FOLLOW ROBIN SCHERBATSKY. Pasti pada tahu kan tokoh Robin di serial How I Met Your Mother. I have always admired her. Cantik, pinter, successful news anchor, career-oriented woman, dan most of all, the exact portrait of feminism nowadays. Kenapa Robin?

Waktu awalnya gue bikin resolusi 2012, gue ngerasa di tahun 2011 gue terlalu santai dan terlalu laying back. Intinya gue ga terlalu produktif dan spent too much time mager-ing. Terus pas gue mulai bikin resolusi, gue mau lebih serius di 2012. Maka dari itu, gue butuh semangat feminisme-nya Robin (choose career over love or that kind of stuff). Bukan berarti terus gue ga mau menikah dan ga mau punya anak ya, tapi tema resolusi itu gue buat supaya gue selalu inget kalo hal utama di 2012 haruslah tentang developing myself.

And did I succeed? I guess I did, lumayanlah. Mulai dari hal paling kecil kayak rutin ngeblog udah berhasil gue capai, sesuatu yang gak pernah bisa gue lakuin di 2011 dan tahun-tahun sebelumnya. I read more books and watch more movies, that is also an achievement. Gue ga stuck sama those psycho mystery novels lagi tapi mulai merambah ke novel-novel metropop Indonesia, The Hunger Games trilogy. I spend more money for cinema. I am opening myself to every kind of genres.

Those are the small things. The big things are, I finally be able to make some of my dreams come true. The details will be explained in the later post, but spilling it a bit, gue akhirnya bisa menyebut diri gue "penulis". Penulis yang penulis, bukan cuma aspiring writer. Well, I haven't published a book yet, tapi I got a job as a writer and like the cliche quote, what's better than being paid for something you love to do?

Lucunya ya, setelah gue bekerja dengan keras di 2012, I ended up having more fun than 2011. Seperti yang gue bilang, life is a whole balance thing. When I work harder, I need more leisure. When I work harder, I think I deserve more leisure. Dan in the end gue sadar, following Robin Scherbatsky bukan berarti putting career or the serious stuffs over everything. Toh Robin tiap malem juga nongkrong di McLaren. It is about knowing what to do, when and where to do it, especially whom to do it with.

But there's one more important "W", which is Why. I guess it is very much essential to ask ourselves the urgency of doing something. So, in 2012, I kept asking myself, why am I doing this? Dan salah satu  indikator pencapaian gue adalah whether gue berhasil menjawab pertanyaan itu. "Because it's always been my dream..." or "because this is important.." or simply "because I deserve having fun..."

How Do You Live?

Ask me "How do you live?" and I will answer you like this...

I live by the moments I stare at the cinema screen, captivated by the beautiful scenes.
I live from the pages of books I read, meaningful stories I will never forget.

I live from the laughs I hear, every time the people I love are near.
I live by the salty tears that come out when my heart is broken, hard.

I live from the gentle touch of my Dad's, Mom's, and little sisters' lovely hands.
I live by those money, anyway, those that my parents sincerely give away.

I live from the investment I make, in education, in business, in friendship.

I live by giving.
I live by loving and being loved.
I live by accepting that people grows apart, live by letting go.

I live from the countless hours of sleepless nights I spend for either writing or discussing life philosophies.
I live from the silence, the moment of truth when I'm just sitting on my bed alone, recalling memories I've been through.

I live by the thoughts of future and the uncertainty that surrounds it.
I live from pain and sickness and days I spend to overcome them.
I live by the hours in the car, train, bus, or plane.
I live from those spirit-regaining delicious meals.

Finally, if you ask me "Tell me How Do You Live in a sentence!", I will answer..

I live simply by living, feeling alive, and not going back.

So, how do you live?

I Always Get What I Want

Last night I tweeted, "When you've become way too ambitious, you can't even tell the difference..."

What I meant here is when someone has become too ambitious, he can't tell the difference whether he REALLY wants it or that he's JUST AMBITIOUS.

Also previously I tweeted, "What would you do if you always get what you want then you don't get what you want? | Get what I want..."

See? There are people who wouldn't take no for an answer.

Well, my tweets are always about what I feel. And that's exactly what I lately (or maybe all this time) feel. I feel like I always get what I want, that my life is perfect. But when there's a single scratch, a single flaw, a single thing that I can't have, nothing does matter anymore.

I'm very sure most people will perceive my thought as being ungrateful. But is it wrong to really wanting something in your life? Is it wrong to give everything up for something really precious?

Like what Alicia Keys sang, eveything means nothing if I ain't got this. And after all, isn't life a pursuit of happiness?

Bodoh itu Apa?

Gue sering ngatain orang lain bodoh dan diri sendiri bodoh, tapi baru kali ini gue bener-bener mikirin arti dari bodoh itu apa? Otak gue yang suka sok literatur pun langsung muter untuk nyari kata-kata dan pengalaman hidup yang bisa men-define arti "bodoh" itu.

Finally, gue sampai pada suatu kesimpulan bahwa "bodoh" adalah:

Masih aja masuk ke dalam suatu lubang, padahal lo tau kemungkinannya cuma dua: gak bisa keluar dan mati, atau bisa keluar dengan luka-luka berat.

Setiap bulan, sebagai cewek, ada period saat gue merasa emosional dan sensitif banget. Semua orang salah, semua orang ada flaws, semua orang gue katain bego. Terus gue juga sedih, marah, dan menyesali hidup gue. Tiga kata aja deh: I feel pathetic. Nah, definisi bodoh ini muncul setelah malam itu, Rabu malam waktu gue akan mengalami period bulan Agustus dan perasaan gue jatuh ke lowest point yang bikin gue merasa gue  orang paling bodoh dan menyedihkan sedunia (oke, gue emang lebay dan dramatis, karena golongan darah gue O).

Malem itu gue pulang ke kosan tengah malem, blom mandi dan cuci muka abis seharian ngurus macem-macem di kampus. Otomatis gerah banget dari ujung kuku kaki sampe kepala. Gue pun mengumpulkan sisa-sisa tenaga gue buat mandi. Ya, lo boleh bayangin gue nangis-nangis di bawah shower, karena mungkin itu yang persisnya gue lakukan. Gue nangis sebelum tidur, dan parahnya gue terbangun jam 4 subuh yang menurut gue itu kepagian banget, dan gue jadinya nangis lagi, karena gue capek.

Sebenarnya hal yang membuat gue paling sedih dan marah sama diri gue sendiri gak bisa gue ceritain di sini, karena itu terlalu private. Intinya, sesuai definisi di atas, gue merasa bodoh karena udah masuk ke lubang, atau analogi lain, terjun ke dalam laut bebas di film Jaws, yang pilihannya cuma 2: antara gue tenggelam dan mati, atau gue selamat dengan kaki udah buntung dimakan hiu.

Nah, seperti yang orang bilang, tidur ngebantu banget buat ngelupain masalah. That's exactly what happened to me. Setelah gue nangis-nangis jam 4 subuh itu, gue dengan susah-payah berusaha tidur lagi dan akhirnya bangun jam 7 pagi. Gue mandi dan akhirnya pikiran gue kembali fresh dan logis. Waktu mandi, gue merekonstruksi ulang definisi "bodoh" yang udah gue buat itu.

Gue tanya lagi ke diri gue sendiri, "Waktu itu lo ngapain masuk ke lubang itu? Ngapain lo berenang di dalem laut yang ada Jaws-nya?". Diri gue sendiri pun menjawab, "Karena di dalem lubang ada harta karun. Karena taring ikan hiu dijual mahal" (oke, ini gue cuma ngasal). Intinya, at the first place, gue menginginkan sesuatu atau malah SANGAT SANGAT menginginkan sesuatu di dalem lubang itu, sampai-sampai gue rela mengambil risikonya. Rule-nya cuma satu : It's all or nothing. Berhasil atau mati. Merdeka atau mati!

Akhirnya, rekonstruksi ulang gue berbuah hasil akhir sebagai berikut:

It's okay kalo lo bodoh, selama apa yang lo kejar itu worth the risk. Selama yang bakal lo dapet (kalo lo berhasil keluar dari lubang atau selamat dari hiu) itu bener-bener sesuatu yang lo inginkan, impikan, cita-citakan. Tanya ke diri lo sendiri, apakah pekerjaan yang lo kejar bener-bener sesuai dengan cita-cita lo, apakah cowok atau cewek yang lo deketin bener-bener bakal bisa buat lo nikahin, apakah uang dalam jumlah besar yang lo keluarkan bener-bener bakal buying you happiness?

Kalo jawaban-jawaban dari pertanyaan di atas adalah IYA, maka saran gue adalah : Take the risk! Masuk aja ke dalam lubang! Berenang aja di laut itu (asal jangan pake bikini)! Like what I said, aturannya cuma satu: It's ALL OR NOTHING.

Maka dari itu, sekarang ini, gue berusaha ngeyakinin ke diri gue setiap waktu "It's worth the risk, isn't it?". Karena semakin lo masuk ke dalam, lo gak bisa keluar dan gak bisa lepas, jadi make sure kalopun lo terperangkap selamanya, pengalaman yang painful itu at least udah ngasi lo sesuatu.

*This post is inspired by @octifanny 's love advice via evening BBM chat :)

Never Let Me Go

I don't know why I didn't cry watching Never Let Me Go. Either it is too painful or I wasn't in the mood.

Carey Mulligan is one of the actress that always seems effortlessly in pain. It's always like that whether in An Education or Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.

I just want to figure out how it feels like to be Kathy. To be the first person who's there for Tommy despite his uncontrolled rages and emotions. To witnessed... Ruth kissing Tommy. To be the one who waited for them to break up from their manipulative relationship.

And the most ironic scene, well you can guess, is when Kathy saw Tommy and Ruth having sex, hearing them from her room, putting earphone with Never Let Me Go being played.

I can't imagine living like that. Waiting for years just to end up watching your beloved one "complete". Although, like what Kathy said, she was still very lucky to be able to spend some times with Tommy before it all ended.

I didn't cry watching Never Let Me Go. Either I wasn't in the mood or it is too painful. I just wish "a more natural couple" wouldn't end up like K and T.

Hectic Week

Akhirnya gue bisa punya waktu untuk nulis lagi setelah minggu hectic ini berakhir.

Minggu ini bener-bener hectic. Dan itu bukan hiperbola, lo bisa tanya sama semua anak @prasmul. Yang namanya minggu terakhir kuliah sebelum ujian itu penuh banget sama deadline final project dan presentasi.

Otomatis, kalo lagi masa-masa kayak gini, yang bisa dikorbanin cuma waktu tidur. Akumulasi waktu tidur gue minggu ini mungkin sama dengan waktu tidur gue selama 3 hari di minggu-minggu biasa. Sehari cuma tiga jam, ditambah sama quality sleep 15 menit di perpus, di kelas, di KFC. Badan jadi kayak fleksibel banget bisa tidur di mana aja dalam waktu singkat dan langsung seger pas bangun.

Gue mau cerita aja tentang ke-hectic-an minggu ini. Pertama, gue punya deadline 3 final project: Microeconomics, Statistics, dan Consumer Insight. Gue cukup optimis dengan project Statistics kelompok gue, karena memang tugasnya gak terlalu susah, lo cuma disuruh sebarin kuesioner, kumpulin data dan bikin hipotesis.

Nah, kalau Microeconomics, ini gue gak ngerti lagi. Final projectnya tentang analisis pasar atau market survey kalau kata dosen gue. Tugas ini baru pertama kalinya ada di Prasmul, yaitu di angkatan gue. Masalahnya adalah gue dan kelompok gue ga ngerti sebenernya apa yang diminta di tugas ini, karena petunjuk tertulis dari koordinator mata kuliah dan petunjuk dari dosen gue selalu kontradiktif. Effort kelompok lumayan sih buat ngerjain tugas ini, dari mulai ke PT. Dagsap di Wijaya (kebetulan kelompok gue memutuskan untuk menganalisis pasar sosis sapi), lalu ke Lotte Mart Alam Sutera dan Hypermart Metropolis buat cari data distributor. Tapi pada akhirnya, gue ga yakin apa hitungan2 dan analisis kelompok gue di paper itu udah bener.

Yang terakhir adalah Consumer Insight. Ini nih yang cukup emosional. Jadi mata kuliah ini udah ngasi gue tekanan banget dari awal semester, secara ini adalah mata kuliah utamanya anak Marketing, jadi gengsi-gengsian bangetlah antar kelompok di mata kuliah ini. Inti dari Consight adalah penelitian kualitatif, mencari "makna" kalo kata dosen gue Pak Yudho (@ohduy). Dengan framework berpikir gue yang kadang terlalu terstruktur, gue sering kurang bisa menangkap abstraksi-abstraksi dari pelajaran ini #eaaa.

But it ended well. Di final project semester ini, S1 Marketing kerjasama dengan Bakrie Telecom untuk cari insight dari UKM dan bikin potential product ideas buat Esia. Jadi dalam seminggu lo harus lakuin tuh yang namanya 5 metode: Semiotics, In-Depth Interview, Participant Observation, Focus Group Discussion, dan Narrativity.

Semua kelompok di semua kelas presentasi di depan Faculty Member tentang hasil research dan product idea-nya. Lalu, janjinya FM adalah untuk memilih 3 kelompok terbaik dari tiap kelas, buat presentasi lagi di depan orang Bakrie Telecom. Ternyata, pas kemaren siang pengumuman, kelompok gue lolos Alhamdulillah, dan kerennya, ada 10 kelompok yang lolos, which is 4 kelompok dari kelas gue!

Marketing B emang paling keren hahaha. Dari semester pertama waktu final project marketing yang kerjasama dengan League, 3 kelompok dari 6 kelompok terbaik adalah dari kelas gue. Walaupun kelas gue ini kata dosen-dosen lain nilainya jelek kalo di matkul kayak Micro, Business Mathematics, dan paling berisik, bandel, Marketing B semangat banget kalo di matkul-matkul yang emang relevan sama Marketing.

Singkat cerita, presentasi di depan Bakrie Telecom baru selesai jam 8-an malem dengan kelompok gue di urutan terakhir presentasi. Gue cukup pede dengan product idea gue, yaitu e-bank, kartu prabayar khusus UKM yang terintegrasi dengan aplikasi e-banking, sampai salah satu juri dari Bakrie Telecom bilang kalau ternyata ada regulasi pemerintah yang mengatur bahwa perusahaan telekomunikasi gak punya hak untuk bikin layanan perbankan. Eng ing eng! Bikin marketing plan atau business plan tanpa ngelakuin analisis regulasi dulu itu emang tindakan yang careless. Ekspresi muka gue langsung berubah di saat itu juga dan gue tahu gue gak mungkin menang.

Tapi gue tetap senang. Kenapa? Karena juara 1 datang dari Marketing B! Yup, itu kelompoknya Nazier dkk.(read his blog here or @nazierariffin). Kelompok Nazier emang pantes menang dengan produk Esia Hybrid-nya, karena dia sampe bikin commercial TV ad yang keren banget!

Selesai pengumuman, anak kelas gue foto-foto bareng dan kita ke Red Bean Flavor Bliss buat makan malam. Gue agak sedih juga minggu ini karena tahu bentar lagi bakal pisah sama anak kelas. Kelas gue ini udah enak banget, gak ada geng-gengan, semua kompak dan deket.

Kelompok 1 *hugs*

Sekarang gue sedang menikmati minggu tenang sebelum UAS. Besok gue masih harus ke Pacific Place untuk Social Event, yaitu memfasilitasi 33 orang anak Panti Asuhan ke Kidzania. It's gonna be fun!

Is It Worth Pursuing?

"Is it worth pursuing?" is probably the question we keep asking everyday to ourselves. It is the most basic question of everyday decision-making. "Is it worth pursuing?" represents much simpler yet confusing question like "Do I REALLY want it?".

I'm talking about how actually we could never know whether something's exactly worth the efforts. Because you can never predict the future. Having faced by two options, all you can do is just creating a hypothesis about which is more beneficial and then choose it, although you never really know which will give a better outcome.

But finally, whatever calculations people make, they would end up choosing what they want or what they think they want. How ironic.

One changing perspective is all it needs to turn everything.

Group Dynamics

The Non-Judging Breakfast Club: Best Group Dynamics Ever

My classmates may guess--from the title of the post--that this is a post about one of my Consumer Insight  course material: Group Dynamics. Yes, we did learn about it, especially about Focus Group Discussion as one of qualitative research method. But I'm not going to write about it.

I'm about to write about how group dynamics always happen in our daily life, daily conversation, without us realizing it. Dynamics itself, based on the handout my lecturer given, is "forces and tension that exists between participants in the groups..."

I was thinking and observing how the presence or absence of an individual could really change the whole dynamics. Example: conversation between two people and three people could significantly make a difference. Two people may share some secrets that the third party has no idea about. Three people can talk about things they can't even mention in front of the others.

Behaviors also change as the formation changes. I, for sure, can really be myself: outspoken, quite wild; when I'm around certain individuals (read: closest friends). Common people will portray me as a more introvert and passive individual when they (those certain individuals) are not around.

I guess one big thing that we could learn from those facts are that we have to be able to "read" the situation, whether some matters are better conducted or done by two, three people, or in a more massive group. When we recognize our dynamics with every person well, we could choose them right: who we want to work with, to play with, to study with, even to dine with.

Recognizing dynamics isn't an easy process. But the more you be honest to yourself, the more you'll find who you want to be with.

Home, finally!

Akhirnya pulang juga ke rumah di Pontianak, setelah 4 bulan lebih gak pulang (terakhir gue pulang waktu sebelum tahun baru). Kali ini gue cuma pulang 4 hari: nyampe Kamis siang dan pulang Minggu siang, yang berarti gue cabut kuliah hari Jum'at.

Gue bukan orang yang gampang homesick, dan keluarga gue juga bukan keluarga yang pengen gue sering-sering pulang, karena gue selalu berpendapat jangan sampe hal-hal semacam "kangen" mengganggu hal-hal yang prinsipil kayak kuliah. Tapi pulang sesekali itu penting, penting banget.

Going home menurut gue bukan cuma saatnya kangen-kangenan atau mengejar bulan-bulan yang hilang. Pulang itu salah satu reminder tentang who I was, who I am, and who I'm supposed to be. Pulang itu ngasih spirit injection dan ngingetin gue kalo even in the hardest times, masih ada orang-orang di sini yang bakal selalu percaya, support, dan berharap ke gue. Waktu gue pulang, gue semacam mendapat gambaran tentang progress report gue, apa aja yang udah gue lewati, how well and how far I have changed and improved.

Selain itu, pulang bikin gue menghargai hal-hal kecil yang sebelumnya sepele. Gue bisa ngerasa bahagia banget hanya dengan sarapan nasi, telor ceplok, dan kerupuk di rumah. Yah, semacam simple happiness gitulah. Cuma di rumah gue bisa leyeh-leyeh all day long di sofa nontonin semua TV shows favorit gue: Castle, HIMYM, Glee, 30 Rock. Dan walaupun bokap sering jemput gue di BSD buat ke bioskop bareng, nonton DVD bareng di depan TV (dengan sound system yang volumenya disetel kenceng banget sampe nyokap ngomel-ngomel) itu quality time yang gak tergantikan.

Cuma di rumah everything's perfect, mulai dari rasa air di dispenser (yeah, IT is a big thing for me), posisi shower di kamar mandi, stok DVD yang banyak banget dan selalu updated. Simple happiness juga waktu tadi siang gue, bokap, dan adek makan es krim di mobil sambil dengerin album Love Songs. Makanan-makanan remeh yang dulu sering banget gue makan pun sekarang jadi spesial, kayak martabak telor tanpa vetsin (my mom is some sort of health-freak).  Yang paling precious sih, menurut gue, momen-momen bareng adek-adek gue, karena gue tetep pengen ngeliat mereka growing up.

Gue yakin banyak banget anak-anak yang kuliah jauh dari rumah yang juga ngerasain hal yang sama. Well, this post is just a form of experience sharing. Jadi, buat kalian yang bentar lagi bakal jauh dari rumah, hargai aja hal-hal kecil yang masih bisa dinikmati sekarang, cause they won't last long, dan suatu saat itu semua cuma bakal jadi kenangan-kenangan kecil di pikiran lo :).

Change One Thing, Change Everything

Gue bakal nulis postingan kali ini pake bahasa Indonesia, karena gue lagi males mengorientasikan pikiran gue ke bahasa Inggris. hehehe.

Mungkin udah banyak yang tahu atau udah nonton The Butterfly Effect, film sci-fi thriller yang dibintangi Ashton Kutcher. Singkat cerita, waktu gue ke Korea (ehem) Januari lalu, gue memanfaatkan internet super cepat di negara itu buat download 10 film dalam 1 jam (bayangkan! 10 film dalam 1 jam!). Salah satu yang gue download adalah trilogi The Butterfly Effect, film yang udah cukup lama bikin gue penasaran.

Well, it's a little too late to watch the movie. Bahkan gue baru nonton filmnya di bulan April ini, karena gue baru sempet dan baru bisa memberanikan diri. Gue bukan orang yang penakut, malahan gue suka banget sama thriller, tapi tetep aja nonton thriller itu butuh kesiapan mental, karena lo ga tau saat lo selesai nonton, adegan-adegan dalam plot film itu bakal menghantui lo sampai berapa lama. Itulah yang gue rasakan setelah gue nonton Hide and Seek, The Jacket, dan Mr. Nobody.

Waktu itu gue lagi labil-labilnya, seperti yang bisa dilihat di postingan gue sebelumnya. Gue stress karena banyak tugas dan kerjaan dan ngerasa ga maksimal. Gue bangun tengah malam, mual, mau muntah, mau nangis. Gue buka laptop dan gue tau itulah saatnya gue harus nonton The Butterfly Effect *dramatis*.

Awal film ini udah horor banget. Waktu itu jam 11 malem dan gue sendirian di kosan. Tapi gue tetep struggle dan gue survive hahaha. Ceritanya keren banget, harus gue akui. Banyak banget twist yang surprising dan film ini ga ngasi lo istirahat pikiran sama sekali. Gue bahkan sempet ga sadar kalo yang lagi gue tonton itu Ashton Kutcher. Jalan ceritanya dan penampilan Ashton bikin gue mengasosiasikan film ini sama Mr. Nobody yang ada Jared Leto-nya. Kalau dua film ini dibandingin, mungkin gue akan bilang Mr. Nobody lebih absurd, sedangkan The Butterfly Effect lebih ironis.

Setelah gue selesai nonton filmnya, gue langsung menghabiskan 1 jam untuk mengeksplor iMDB, walaupun besok paginya gue ada kelas jam 8 hahaha. Dan gue amazed banget waktu tahu The Butterfly Effect itu dari original screenplay, karena ekspektasi gue terhadap plot yang cukup complicated yang banyak time-travelling nya adalah film ini adaptasi novel, kayak The Time Traveller's Wife (ini salah satu sci-fi drama yang bikin gue nangis mewek). Ternyata The Butterfly Effect murni ditulis sebagai screenplay.

Dari semua quotes bagus yang ada di Butterfly Effect, satu yang paling nempel di kepala adalah "You Can't Play God". Ya, lo emang gak bisa seenaknya ngelawan takdir kayak yang Ashton Kutcher berusaha lakukan di film ini. Tapi at least he tried and he found the best solution.

Evan and Kayleigh

By the way, gara2 film ini gue jadi pengen nonton ulang The Jacket yang notabene adalah time-travelling thriller juga. Dan semua film yang gue sebutin di atas recommended banget.

Sekarang di laptop gue masih ada dua sekuel The Butterfly Effect, tapi gue ga akan nonton dulu dalam waktu dekat. Karena seperti yang gue bilang, setelah nonton film yang isinya mind-games, gue butuh waktu beberapa lama untuk ngilangin bekas-bekas scene yang nempel di kepala gue serta ironi yang gue rasakan #eaaa.

Finally, see you on another butterfly effect post.

It has been said something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world. - Chaos Theory 

Drama, Drama, and Drama

I love Drama. I mean, who doesn't?

When I was a kid, I used to state that my favorite movie genres are action, thriller, science fiction, superhero, or adventure. But soon as I grow, I get to know myself better and I have to admit that Drama is, and always be, my favorite genre.

You could watch bunch of incredible actions, got fascinated by tons of extraordinary story ideas. But a touching drama is the one that will stay in your heart. Even any other genres always try to include drama in their plot (Cameron's Avatar = Drama + Sci-Fi + Adventure ?).

I try to recall some of my favorite drama movies. One of them is "A Walk to Remember" that was adapted from novel by Nicholas Sparks. It didn't really get positive reviews. Critics said the movie was forgettable, kinda cheesy.

But who cares with all those reviews? What matters is that watching it made me cry, made many other girls in the world cry. The plot may not seem so realistic, but how Jamie's love changed Landon is "touchy" enough to  simply distract our deepest emotions. As a drama, not as a film, A Walk to Remember had succeed. It did.

I've watched A Walk to Remember 2-3 times. But it never fails to make me feel again, especially at the scene when Landon fulfilled one of Jamie's wish : to be at two different places in the same time. The scene was all about sincerity and simple happiness. And I burst out crying (well I AM kind of sensitive).

Finally, we know that Drama is the most award-winning genre, because movie that deserves a winning is a movie that changes life. Maybe not a cheesy teen tale like A Walk to Remember, but a good drama would really change your life rather than just some special effects.

I love drama. Do you?

What's a Better Way to Spend Money?

There's a funny story about how stupidity could lead you to something great.

That night (Sunday night, if I'm not mistaken) I was sitting in the Trans BSD bus, getting back to BSD from Jakarta. I was tired and sleepy so I fell asleep like most of the passengers. Suddenly, when I woke up, we were already in BSD.

I moved to the front seat, getting ready to step off when it's near my house. I saw two men already asked the driver to stop at where I'm supposed to step off too. But in a half-slept mind I was so confused that I just freezed and the bus kept going.

I was panic and I didn't know what to do. So I just asked the drive to drop me at the next stop, Teras Kota mall.

Teras Kota is quiet close to my home. I could just take a taxi, ojek, or angkot. But I didn't. My feet brought me inside the Teras Kota, to the escalator, up to the 2nd floor to Blitz Megaplex.

People who know me well, would know that I often go to cinema alone. Well, I'm a full-time movie lover and I always get used to be alone, so when I really want to watch a movie, I feel that I don't need to wait for a companionship. I would just go and watch by myself.

That night, I wanted to watch something that other people may not really interested in. So, I choose Midnight in Paris. Simple reasons:

1. Woody Allen (although You Will Meet a Tall, Dark Stranger is his only movie I ever watched)

2. I love Marion Cotillard in Inception

3. It's nominated for Oscar's Best Picture

Put this as my laptop's wallpaper for quite a while

Even though it was weekend night, there were only like 6 people in the auditorium: Oscar-type.

The movie was beautiful. I kept smiling during the screening. I like the unique plot, I like the actors (Cotillard with her original beautym sexy voice). Mostly, I love that Midnight in Paris is a movie about writers, written by a true writer. No doubt that Allen won again for Best Original Screenplay.

Stupidity could lead to something great. See? If I weren't stupid enough to let the bus pass through my home, I would never probably watch Midnight in Paris. This is not overstating, because this movie is definitely, straightly becoming one of my favorite movie.

And by the way, this month I really broke. On February I spent lots of my money to watch movies. But hey, again, like the title of this post, What's a Better Way to Spend Money ?

Holiday's (finally) over

Everybody loves holiday. Yeaaaayy! So do I, and my campus gave a very long holiday this semester.

The holiday started around mid-January after we finished our final exams. And the new semester will begin tomorrow.

I had so much fun this holiday, although I didn't really have any organized vacation but I did many meaningful things, I guess. Hehehe. Let's tell the stories with pictures.

Joined the Winter Immersion Program to South Korea. Many K-Popers envied me ;)

Had a one-day-adventure around Jakarta by train, Transjakarta bus, and on foot

Bought friendship bracelets at Kota Tua for 3 friends and me

With some colleagues joining The 2012 Asian English Olympics at Binus University. I made it into semifinal round of newscasting competition yeaaayyy!

Did some fundraising, selling fresh Ice Tea at Bunderan HI's Car Free Day!

Each of us got shopping voucher from League, as our team worked as intern to run their projects to several high schools

Another News Anchor competition, this time at Pekan Komunikasi UI. Didn't make it to the next round though :p

Attending Pop Up Market at Grand Indonesia, a local brands bazaar organized by my campus

Fun holiday, wasn't it? Hehehe.

This holiday I also hang out a lot, watched many movies at cinema, and shopped many cute things! I would probably tell that in my later posts.

Tomorrow's a new college start. Wish me luck! ;)

Hello March!

It's March already. 2012 moves so fast and I haven't even updated any recent happenings this year. Well, let's just keep this one short.

I want to answer a simple question : What makes me blog? (<-- I guess this sentence is not wrong in structure, because "blog" is considered a verb now)

The answer is... I just want to keep track of my life. Someday I'll just open the link and reread my old times' writings. I want this blog to take me back to those memories, to make me remember what I felt at some moments.

Reading your own blog, for me, is like coming home. It is a reminder of who I was and who I am supposed to be. The posts imply my hopes and dreams, tell (indirectly) about what kind of person I really am.

By the way, some songs accompany me while writing this post. I just learned that many writers need "soundtracks" to enhance their writing mood. I'm listening to Taking Back Sunday's songs, my favorite rock band back in Junior High School.

Above is the video of one of their songs, "New American Classics". Good and relaxing acoustic song.

When all that we need is just a reaction, 
Its too much to ask for when there's no attraction anymore, 
Chasing our dreams is just a distraction 
I want to remember what I know
That I can't go back,

I believe that everyone should write. Write anything: diary, short stories, even lyrics like musicians do. Those lyrics, like the one I quote above, are probably meaningless to most people because we never know what the songwriter had experienced or felt. But someone out there might listen to the song and suddenly be connected, knowing that there is at least one person feeling the same matter.

Same thing applies to any kind of writings. Maybe you write for your own self just like I do, but you could always inspire people. Your blog posts could always influence someone's life or contribute to one's decision-making.

Closing this post, more lyrics from Taking Back Sunday song: This Photograph is Proof.

So, we're talking forever 
And you almost feel better 
But, betters no excuse for tonight 
You see, it's never been enough 
Just to leave all you gave up 
But, its never good enough to feel right

2011 Highlights (3)

This third, last part of my last year's highlights is--I would say--the best part of 2011. Thousand words may not be able to explain what had happened, what did I feel, what were the moments.

This last part--you all probably have guessed--is my college life. A definitely new life. Why?

All my life for like 17 years I had lived in the same environment, with the same friends. Changes from elementary to junior high or from junior high to senior high made no significant adjustment to my days. However, my hometown is a small city where I had the same circle of friends along those years. And when in college...

I moved to another city, even different island :D. I entered a college where I knew no one. Not a single person. On the first day, I stood between the crowds and everyone seemed to already have friends. I'm not a social butterfly, I don't do first approach to people. Sometimes I consider myself awkward in socializing. I tried several times to greet and ask people their names but I couldn't do it.

Anyway, I survive...

I survive and I have had the best times in my life since then.

The first months were the hardest. I knew no one, I had no vehicle, and I was not familiar with the town and the surroundings. FYI, I am quite stupid in remembering places, I even asked my mother to draw a simple map of getting to and around my campus. But thank God I used to be alone and I always get used to be alone. When I hadn't had any close friends, I somehow managed to survive by myself. And when I've had many good friends like now, things couldn't get any better.

College life, for me, means freedom. A good, nice, and fresh freedom indeed. It is not too overstating if I say this is the first time in my life that I feel really alive. My parents--my father, actually--are a kind of a overprotective parents. They simply didn't allow me to hang out often. You, who read this, must think that it's so pathetic, but the fact is, I didn't go out at Saturday night. Luckily, yes, luckily, I grow into a normal kid. I may be a little nerd or geek but yes, I'm normal.

Now you may think that I misuse the freedom that I have now. Well I'm confident enough to tell you that I don't. I'm still Daddy's good girl, with a few adjustments. Now I feel like I have more spaces to develop myself. I have no fear of choosing. The fear is the choice itself and how I handle it, not the fear of not being allowed by my father or that kind of stuffs.

The most meaningful part of these first few months of college life is my Student Activity Club, which is Integrated Communication Club (ICC). Basically, this club is the same with my previous club in high school, Ganesco (Ganesha English Community). The club is originally a platform for students to develop their communication skill, mostly facilitating the members in joining English and communication competitions.

You, who have known me for quite a long time, must know that in high school my best friends, Yustina and Yaya, are also my debating teammates. We joined debating competitions together, shared thoughts and dreams, and then we formed a very solid team, both in terms of norms and cohesiveness. Because like I said, I didn't hang out often, my circle of friends came from the activity that I participated in. And seems like it also applies to my college life.

The milestone was iMotion or Indonesia Marketing Competition held by FEUI. Simply, it is a marketing debate competition. Actually, before I entered college I had decided to quit debating because it is so tiring, time-consuming, and I just want to try new field, new things. But iMotion was an exception. It is not an English debate, the language is Bahasa, and I take Marketing as my college major, so I thought iMotion would help me to gain a wider understanding.

Shortly, I was one of nine students who were chosen to represent ICC in 2011 iMotion. I was so glad and happy that I finally marked my first achievement in college. I still remembered how I sent a BBM message to my Ganesco senior, Radith, about my feeling. And he congratulated me by saying "Your first time since college, eh?"

But achievement is not the point. The point is... iMotion was a milestone for me to have friends, best friends in my early college life. The cohesiveness was situational. We had to practice almost every night, and of course, we became closer and closer each day. Don't mind the competition, my team didn't even break into the next round. But most of my iMotion mates are still my closest friends until now. And ICC has opened a gate to this whole new exciting life.

Then again, there was this ICC Makrab (Malam Keakraban). We, ICC members with 5 cars, went together to Puncak on Friday Night, stayed at villa, then came back to BSD on Sunday morning. We had fun going to Cibodas waterfall, BBQ-ing, and performing talent shows. I brought my handycam and I shot many memorable moments. But seeing it through even the best lens would never be the same with experiencing it live.

Finally, until now, I become more and more attached to my ICC friends. Well, not my ICC friends, but those I know from ICC, because the circle of friends are getting wider and more dynamic. And this good, nice, and fresh freedom helps me to enjoy it more.

And to conclude these long three parts of my 2011 highlights, I just want to say that I am so happy and grateful with my 2011 life and I guess 2012 would even be much better :)

2011 ICC Makrab

iMotion practice dinner :)

2011 Highlights (2)

In this second part of my 2011 highlights, I would like to share a part of my life after those last high school semester hectic days. And that part was: holiday. It wasn't just an ordinary holiday, it was a loooong holiday. I had graduated since April so I had like more than 4 months holiday.

Usually people spend long holiday for some vacation. Planning a getaway, going with family and friends. Well I didn't. But I did many things I hadn't tried before. And this list is some of them :

1. Regional Youth Leader Conference 2011

Twitter has changed many people's life. So does mine. Around the end of June 2011, I was watching my Twitter timeline and I found that @twitalkID had a Twitter quiz. The price was free ticket to a Binus International event, Regional Youth Leader Conference. I had no idea what event it was, but I participated in the quiz and I won hahaha. Actually I ran into panic because that was a university students' event and I was still in my "high school graduate" status.

After I won the ticket, the committee contacted me to have my personal information. Some college students who also won the tickets contacted me on Twitter and we got to know each other. I also asked my friend in Binus about the event and he said that it was like "some sort of business seminar". Shortly, I decided to go and I never regret it at all.

At the event, I got many new knowledges and insights about business in creative industry from the speakers, especially Nina Moran who is the owner of leading fashion magazine in Indonesia, GoGirl! magazine. Turns out, Nina Moran is also one of part-time lecturer in my campus. Another interesting sessions were the Project Management and Social Entrepreneurship session from British Council. And the session that really got me caught up is the Leo Burnett session. FYI, Leo Burnett is an international ad agency that has created advertisings for well-known brands all over the world. Since I was a marketing-student-to-be, to watch a presentation of big ad agency was a very valuable experience.

I met many friends from other universities and I still keep my contact with several of them until now. I also met college students from Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam. It was so interesting to hear about Indonesia from their points of view, how they were so enthusiastic to learn Bahasa, and how they asked us about Indonesia's food and stuffs. Moreover, Alanda Kariza was also one of the committee. Alanda Kariza is a young social activist who is also a writer. She is one of my inspiration and I was so glad that I could finally met her. 

On the last night of the event, all the participants and committees went to Soho Citos for Gala Dinner and Cultural Night. We had sooo much fun and I knew at that time that I was so lucky.

Pigar Mahdar (Project Manager) shaking hands with "Jack" from Thailand, President of RYLC Community 2011

Finally, I would say thank you to the man who found Twitter :)

2. Internet Marketing

I have been long interested in Internet marketing, search engine optimization, and stuffs. So, in that long holiday, I decided to make use of my time learning something new. I took an online course from Asian Brain Internet Marketing Center, the one that was found by Anne Ahira. Since I had much spare time, I dedicated my days to learn the modules and training videos. I bought a domain and paid for hosting service for the first time. The domain's name is http://www.teenager-s.com. The site is about teenagers and its related issues. This is the printed screen I took from the homepage:

For you who have no idea about what Internet marketing is, it is a technique used to market products through Internet, while Search Engine Optimization (SEO) is a way to increase your page rank in search engine (like how to make your site shows up on the first page of Google search of certain keyword). The simple explanation is like this: you choose an idea (what the site is about), you create the site with related contents, you "optimize" it so the site has a high rank, and then people would put their ads in your site: you get paid for it. Or you could also put the link of a product in your site, and for every "click" or for every sales that originate from your link, you get some commission, something like that.

I only took the courses for 3 months, and the site hasn't even generated any revenue because since I got into college I don't have time to manage it. However, I am very proud of myself for having created a simple site. I am also the one who wrote most of the articles by myself by combining various sources and adding my own point of view. I know that someday I'm going to learn more about Internet marketing, especially because I would have Digital Marketing as one of my college courses later.

3. Good News From Indonesia

I always love writing, fiction or non-fiction. And I always want to have a chance to write. That's why I decided to apply as GNFI contributor last year. FYI, GNFI is Good News From Indonesia, a media which vision is to spread good news about our country. The motto is "Restoring Optimism, Rebuilding Confidence". GNFI is born from a situation that Indonesia medias nowadays are more focused in spreading the negative news about Indonesia, so GNFI is there to be a solution. GNFI is known via twitter account @GNFI and from its site goodnewsfromindonesia.com

What I like about GNFI is that it opens opportunities for all people that want to contribute. My first weeks as a GNFI contributor are filled with reposting articles that I compiled from another news site like Jakarta Globe. I also found some interesting articles and I rewrote it to be posted in the site. When I'm really in a huge spirit to write, I would interview Indonesian people that have achievement. You can click here to read some of my articles.

My first GNFI gathering was in mid-Ramadhan. GNFI contributors from Jakarta and Bandung gathered in Plaza Semanggi Rice-Bowl. The new and old contributors got to know each other and we talked about the future of GNFI.

Now, I don't really write many articles because college tasks are so demanding. But I always try to help when I find good news. Last year, one of my junior at SMAN 1 Pontianak won a Biology olympic at Brazil. I spread the news through GNFI and once GNFI tweeted about it, almost all my high school friends who are on Twitter retweeted it and they were so proud with my school's achievement. I am so happy that I could always contribute in rebuilding confidence and restoring optimism among Indonesians. However, I am a proud part of GNFI.

2011 Highlights (1)

Here I am sitting alone in my room on the first day of the new year. People have celebrations all over the world. What about me? I don't have one. I never feel I have an obligation to celebrate moment like this. Besides, my family is a quite religious one who doesn't really agree with such new year celebrations. What's important for me is the evaluation of what has happened and what would I do next.

I guess the very first thing that we have to do, like many people do in new year's eve, is to remember again what we have passed and how those experiences contribute to our life. In this post, I would like to share some of the 2011 highlights (highlights of my life, of course). My sole purpose to write this is to live life with no regrets, so I could be grateful to anything I've experienced.

My first months of 2011 are probably one of the most hectic phase in my life. I was a third grade senior high school student who had to study hard for exam while facing difficult choices for college. Well, I don't really have much things to tell about the final national exam (UAN). Yet, I do really have many things to tell about the "choosing college" stuffs.

Almost every high school students in Indonesia must dream to be able to enter prominent public universities in this country: UI, ITB, UGM, and other univ., mainly around Java. So did my friends and I. For the last 3 years, I was drawn into confusion determining what major I should take. But finally I decided to follow my father's suggestion which is to pursue economics/business study. It is quite a choice for me because I took Natural Science as my concentration in high school and if I want to study economics/business, I had to answer Social Science questions in the public universities' test. I felt like the Social Science students in my school laughed at me because I wasted 3 years learning things that has no relevance with my choice of future study. But that was my choice and I had no regret of it.

My choices for college were the well-known Economics major in University of Indonesia (UI) or the Bandung Institute of Technology Business and Management School (SBM ITB). They were tough choices, of course. At the beginning, I was very enthusiastic to pursue my goals: buying books, joining additional courses, etc. Moreover, I did it together with my best friend Yustina, an ambitious one. She dreams to be an architect or urban planner so she wanted to go to SAPPK ITB.

Like I said, that was the beginning. As the time flows, I felt like the hard works didn't worth the result. I don't know why but I'm getting more interested in private universities, especially Prasetiya Mulya Business School which is the place where I'm pursuing my Marketing degree right now. I read the curriculum, student forums, and I came to a conclusion that, for business major, each university offers different approaches. So the solution is to choose which one I do prefer or which one I am more suitable with, because none of them is the better.

My parents, especially my mother who is a graduate from ITB, of course disagreed when I told her I prefer going to private univ. I had completely losed my passion, so I didn't study as passionately as I used to be. During the time, I joined some of other universities' test, like President University where I got 400 million rupiahs full scholarship for Management major. My father told me to accept the scholarship but I rejected it, unfortunately. Some of my friends probably thought that I was really ungrateful. But honestly, I thought that, for Management major, there's a better choice of college.

My mother, beside wanting me to go to ITB, also wanted me to go abroad for study. She registered me to Singapore Insitute of Management for Diploma of Economics. I was really happy knowing that I had a chance to study abroad in Singapore. I collected my transcript, had a via-Skype interview for the admission, and I was accepted. But strangely, I never felt that it was the right choice for me. I tried to find logical reasons why studying in Singapore was right, but I can't. My father also didn't really agree with my mother's choice. So once again, I turned it down.

Now, as you, reader of this post, may have already predicted, I didn't make it to neither UI nor ITB. I tried SNMPTN Undangan and SNMPTN Tertulis, but luck wasn't on my side. When I told my parents that I didn't pass the SNMPTN, my mother said with quite disappointed voice,

"Finally you get what you want."

I knew that I've disappointed my parents, that I have thrown away the dreams that I've built together with my best friends, but I also knew and believe until now that God has another way for me. So now I am pursuing my Marketing degree in Prasetiya Mulya Business School which I believe is the best business school, at least for me. I also get a scholarship here, although not as much as the ones from President Univ. I joined series of test: math, english, psychology, group discussion, interview, and finally I made it here.

My story about getting into colleges is probably not as interesting as the story of others. I am not a big achiever who succeed in getting into public university with such determination and hard work. My parents are not that proud when being asked, "Anaknya kuliah dimana?". But I just knew I've made the right choice and every disappointments that my parents feel right now are the price for my success later.